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Zach Musgrave – part-time insomniac

Someone like me should never be allowed to take Psych 101. It makes it much too easy for me to write off all my problems as clinical disorders. Didn’t get to bed until 3:30? It’s not because I’m an irresponsible procrastinator, I’m an insomniac. Can’t sit still? That’s borderline obsessive compulsive disorder. If thatís not enough to tide me over, I can always start in on my ex-girlfriendsí issues. There are quite a few, if anyone was wondering. Seriously, I perform enough analyses of the people in my life without these powerful psychoanalytic tools at my disposal. Itís like giving a chainsaw to a five year old, saying, ďplay nice now,Ē and then closing the door to his room.

Actually, morbid predictions about my fragile mental state notwithstanding, the class is fairly insightful, and Iím enjoying it very much. The only real problem I have with it is that the freshmen (which is to say, everyone besides me) are much more interested in sleeping with the person next to them than anything Professor Mangelsdorf (Iím not making that up) has to say. In fact, she frequently has to wait for them to quiet down after particularly funny words in the lecture, like ďpenis.Ē I take the opportunity to scope out the class for my own sinister purposes, and Iíve already identified standouts. I donít know any of their real names, but the fake ones I assign them are funnier anyway, so Iím not complaining. For instance, Fat Blonde Girl always sits next to Balding Frat Boy, I think there may be something going on there. Asian Fury dresses in a red and black jumpsuit everyday, and always has his arm around Hello Kitty Girl. Never Heard of Undershirts always volunteers for in-class experiments, and heís buddies with Balding Frat Boy. Thereís connections everywhere, you see.

And in any case, Iíve got to save the crossword for STAT.

Posted in Musings.


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