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Meetings every Thursday behind Jack-In-The-Box

One of the problems with college is that hardly anyone cares if youre late. Early in my college career, I thought this was great, and abused the system to its fullest potential, slipping like a thief into my lectures five or ten minutes late, blending seamlessly into the huge crowds. But I had my dignity; Id make sure to be right on time (or nearly so) for any class of less than forty people. Sadly, the problem progressed with age. Last quarter, Id squeeze through the cracked doorway to my Databases lecture (of 35!) in the EE basement twenty minutes past the bell, grin sheepishly at the instructor, find my seat, and drop immediately asleep. Lately, though, Ive begun to view this as a bit of a problem. Hi, my name is Zach, and Im punctuality-challenged.

My tardiness is spiraling out of control as the quarter wanes. I can count the number of times Ive been on time to my classes on the fingers of both hands, and the situation is only getting worse. In fact, Im late so often, I often find myself making up excuses as I walk to lectures, just in case someone catches wise to me. I always have to one-up myself in my head, and so theyve become increasingly implausible over time:

Week 1: My alarm clock never went off.

Week 2: I stopped to help an adorable bird entangled in fishing line. When, oh when will people learn to love the earth?

Week 3: Damndest thing, but a water main burst right on my block. Had to swim most of the way here.

Week 4: My cult leader kept us up all night. Man, all that chanting! All I want to know is, when do we get to the ritualized murders?

Week 5: Im a member of an elite team of special agents charged with the protection of mankind. Id go into detail about why that made me late, but then your life would be forfeit.

On second thought, theres no hope for me. Save yourself.

Posted in Musings.


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