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Get over here and help me eat some of this

I have enough tuna salad in my fridge to feed the entire Czech army and still have enough left over for their wives and children. Today I decided it was time to finally use the industrial-sized tin of tuna that’s been crowding my pantry since we moved into the apartment, but now I realize what a mistake that was. That can’s been sitting unused for a good reason: no one could ever eat that much tuna before it spoiled in a cloud rancid meat. I emptied it into the largest Tupperware container that I own, slapping in enough mayonnaise, mustard, and sweet relish to kill a small horse, and a solid third of it remains in the can, covered by plastic wrap, in the fridge. I made the largest sandwich I could stomach and I still have so much left to eat I get sick of tuna just looking at it.

That’s not even the half of it. Shortly before break we ran out of milk, so Nathan and I both bought two gallons without asking each other about it. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, as Nathan and I are both slaves to cereal, each of us eating around four bowls a day, pouring heaping portions at every conceivable opportunity. But with him lounging on the sunny beaches of Mexico for the next week, most of it will have turned into yogurt before I can even crack the lid.

So I’m sitting here flipping through the Betty Crocker Cookbook generously donated by my mother, trying to find a recipe that calls for two gallons of milk and three pounds of chunk tuna, feeling very guilty about starving orphans whose names I don’t know that would doubtlessly benefit from this much excess food. Seriously people, where are you?

Posted in Musings.


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