Dishwasher offers disconcerting glimpse into lifestyle

The content of area man Zach Musgrave’s dishwasher offers disconcerting insight into his lifestyle, sources reported Wednesday. “There’s like, no plates on the bottom rack. Only bowls,” long-time acquaintance Ashley Greenwell told reporters. “It’s like they’re eating cereal for every meal of the day. I can’t personally say one way or the other, but the dishes don’t lie.” Greenwell then went on to critique the quality of glasses and silverware, as well as to make disgusted noises over “whatever the hell that is on that huge spoon.”

Roommate Nathan Evans was evasive, claiming a conflict of interests. “Look, we’ve just been really busy lately,” Evans shouted, shoving microphones away from his face. “Some nights we get home late, but it’s not like we never cook anymore. We made a big pot of pasta just last week, I swear.” Speculations as to Evans’ precise involvement with Greenwell remain uncorroborated.

Musgrave himself was unavailable for comment, but a press release from his office stated that, compared to the plate, the bowl is a “vastly superior dining apparatus.”