We knew this day would come

Nathan and I have gone through an entire gallon of Mrs. Butterworth’s maple syrup in the last six months. For those of you too lazy to do the math, that’s 13,680 calories of pure sugar we’ve pumped down our straining gullets, to say nothing of the countless waffles and slatherings of butter. It’s no wonder third-world countries hate us; ours is a country rich in many things, chief among them sugary food toppings. We’re seriously considering an emergency trip to Costco to fill the gaping hole this absence leaves in our food pyramid, although ours boasts some serious modifications from the one prescribed by the FDA. For one thing, the base of said pyramid is composed of equal parts milk and bargain cereal, and the meat section has only a few sad chicken strips to support it.

My third article for the daily ran today, so give the link there a click if you missed its debut in print. As Michele astutely pointed out, I’ve lapsed into reruns. This isn’t an indication of laziness or a lapse of attention on my part. The article today was what I had in mind when I pitched the idea for the column in the first place, but I had to wait until week five for it to make a damn bit of sense. Also, and I know this may shock a number of people, I do have a life over here, and it was pretty hectic around my deadline. I promise 100 percent new content next time, or you can kick me square in the nuts.

I’ve mentioned that I’ve been busy, but at least I’m occupied with worthwhile pursuits like reading, playing guitar, and binge drinking. This guy, on the other hand, has no good excuse for being holed up in his house for the last five months, and nothing to show for it save bragging rights at the furry convention. I’d say he had no friends at all, except that someone had to take the pictures of him. Isolation is his disease; a good, solid pop-culture injection would cure him in a snap. If I ever look like I’m about to embark on a project of such enormous geekiness, please tie me down and wave issues of Maxim in front of my face until I come to my senses.