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Spy Kids 3D vs. Dead Alive

Kelly got back into town Thursday night, so we celebrated by seeing Spy Kids 3D at Pacific Place. The paper’s listing was wrong, so we ended up being 10 minutes late, but our tardiness was of little consequence. For one thing, it’s not like Spy Kids 3D’s plot suffers from missing the first ten minutes (or any ten minutes, for that matter), and for another, we were the only people in the entire theater. We thought about asking them to start the movie over, but decided it would be too much hassle.

Spy Kids was so bad it was good. Like every 3D movie released since Jaws 3D, plot, character development, and acting take a back seat to watching things pop out of the screen at you in 3D. None of those things mattered, though – we came to see things pop out of the screen at us, and a great number of things did so. The dialogue was painfully cheesy, and surprisingly rife with double entendres (“Hold on to your joysticks, boys!”). We were glad that we were alone in the theater after the delivery of one of these lines, because our laughter would have been wholly inappropriate if surrounded by children.

Friday afternoon Julian and I had another UrbanSim beer night at the Big Time. His slang baffles me increasingly. At one point in our conversation, I had to ask him to substitute one of his adjectives with a synonym three separate times before I was entirely certain what he meant. We played doubles shuffle board against a middle-aged duo, and I lost every round until the very last, when I scored the final three points for our win. Julian told me I was useless, and I asked him who had won the game. He didn’t have an answer to his liking.

That night Chris Baker and I watched Dead Alive, which is so good it’s bad. It’s directed by Peter Jackson, but he clearly didn’t have the technology available to him in Lord of the Rings. Made in the glory days of horror, when every juicy special effect was commanded by a team of skilled puppeteers rather than a bevy of computer nerds, Dead Alive is what every horror film secretly wishes to be. I’ve seen some pretty gory stuff in my day, but this movie was by far the goriest – sprays of blood and giblets flew from its cels like water off a wet dog shaking itself. In spite of the high gross-out factor, the movie never lost its stylishness, and was consistently funny as well. I definitely couldn’t eat anything for a few hours afterwards, but that’s about par for the course.

Also, I tracked the virus in the article to the Daily. According to my editor, it’s been infecting machines in the Daily HQ longer than any of the current Daily-ites, and they’ve been trying to get support to get rid of it for years. Support of course realizes what a minor threat it is and ignores them. In any case, the virus is gone, so feel free to download to your heart’s content.

Posted in Musings.


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