Razor burn is worse than freezer burn

Hopefully you picked up and read a copy of today’s Daily and so have already read this article. If not, the following series of photos (courtesy Marta) should enlighten you to my present state: before; during; after; the mess. This is the drastic act I mentioned last night.

Two things are remarkable about my newly shorn state. First, I look completely different. I spent around twenty minutes staring into the mirror last night (not, despite what you may have heard, my usual habit), wondering who I was. It’s not that I look younger without the beard, although I do, certainly. If anything, I was surprised to learn that I’ve aged noticeably since the last time I saw my own face clearly. I look my age, for the first time I can remember. The beard added between two and three years, according to most accounts. I joke in the column over being worried about still being attractive, but it was only half in jest. Imagine that you hadn’t seen yourself in two years – that was what I faced at the other end of the razor last night. Luckily, I discovered what I had hoped for: I am one good looking man. For serious. Slightly tainting this claim is remarkable thing number two, which is the extreme sensitivity of my skin and the shaving bumps I have as a result. They hurt pretty bad. This whole shaving thing is going to take some getting used to.

So did I reach my ostensible goal? It’s too early to tell. The change is utter, so far so good, but it’s too early for me to tell if 1) the shaven state will last and 2) if I succeeded in shaving off 18 months of my life. We’ll know soon enough.

I found this website about feasible plans for destroying the Earth which merits a glance. Why would you want to destroy the Earth, you ask? Psh. You know, with that kind of attitude you’re never going to make varsity squad.

Also, astute reader Evan phoned in all the way from sunny Florida to point out that president Jefferson, far from being the lay-about I implied, arranged the Louisiana Purchase, the single largest expansion of US territory in history. Thank you, Herr Goetz.