Man cannot live on donuts alone

I’ve been averaging three big pastries a day for the last three days or so, and I can sort of feel my body beginning to shut down. I wish I were joking about that.

First we bought a dozen huge cinnamon rolls in Ellensburg to eat for breakfast the morning after Sasquatch Fest, and since Nathan and Jen both found them stale, I ate more than my fair share. Yesterday my seminar prof brought a big box of donuts to class, and she left early to let us fill out course evaluations, not taking the ten donuts left with her. I brought them down to the programming labs, where they were well received — after deducting my own donut tax, that is. Today, my short story instructor pulled the same move, and I ended up eating another three. I just couldn’t bear to let them spoil on the vine like that. If I’m not fatter as a result of these dietary decisions, it can only be attributed to a miracle.

My final day of class evar was anticlimactic. Could it have been anything else?