We’re very disappointed in you, Balloon Boy

You were supposed to be our generation’s Baby Jessica, but now we find out you were faking it the whole time.

Listen, you little shit, what really cheeses me off is that this was probably your one chance in your tiny miserable life to be in the spotlight, and you blew it. You won’t get another one, but for all you other six-year-olds with poorly-tethered experimental aircraft in their backyards: grow a pair and climb in next time.